Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tina and I were shopping at Victoria's Secret today and Chloe was LOVING it! It was so cute. She loved carrying our bags. Don't you love that her shirt matches the bags and don't you even worry, she is bare foot in the mall! GROSS. It was very cute though. She didn't want to give those bags up. She hung on tight to them for quite a while, until she saw Santa of course.
Monday, November 24, 2008
This is a real live dictation I got today while working. I was honestly laughing so hard I didn't know if I would make it through it, but eventually I did. I told my boss I was amazed they were actually paying me to type such a report. Happy Thanksgiving!
PATIENT NAME: TURKEE, THOMAS DISCHARGE DATE:
This patient who has been cared for in the past at the regional Veterans Administration Hospital was brought to our emergency room by a representative of the disabled veterans for alleged service-connected disability. It was subsequently learned secondary to investigation by the admitting doctor that the patient had been dishonorably discharged and was not eligible for veteran’s benefits and could not be transferred and was without coverage. However, continued hospitalization was required on an emergency basis for complaints of increasing abdominal girth. The patient was unable to give any intelligible history due to his chronically altered mental status and no information accompanied him.
PAST MEDICAL HISTORY
The past medical history is significant in that the patient has been hospitalized numerous times to psychiatric wards for complaints of aggressive behavior stemming from excessive deep-seeded hatred of pilgrims. There was a questionable hypersensitivity reaction to cranberry products.
PHYSICAL EXAMINATION ON ADMISSION
GENERAL: The patient is unusually short, moderately obese, alert male in no acute distress. There are hemiballismic contractions of the neck musculature in response to auditory and visual stimulation giving a jerking appearance of the head movement.
HEENT: Examination reveals microcephaly with no evidence of recent trauma. The patient is edentulous with a protruding keratinized maxillomandibular deformity. There is an erythematous, nontender skin fold originating from the external nares dangling off to the right. The tongue and syrinx are midline. There is no adenopathy or gizzardomegaly.
CHEST: The chest expansion is symmetrical with increased AP diameter and pectus excavatum. The grizzle was mobile and palpated to 4 cm without tenderness. The breast examination reveals adequate white meat.
ABDOMEN: The patient was extremely uncooperative for the abdominal and rectal examinations; however a stool sample is slightly gray, negative for occult blood and easily obtained.
GENITALIA: Genitalia are compatible with “Butterballs.” Chronic scaling skin changes are evidenced symmetrically in the lower extremities with no edema or phlebitis.
NEUROLOGIC: Neurologic examination is remarkable in that the patient has a global aphasia and is only able to produce guttural sounds, otherwise, there are no vocal signs.
The patient was admitted to a general medical ward for observation where continued incontinence of acholic stool was reported by the nursing staff. This was confirmed by the ward teams shoe scrapings. He was placed on an 1800 calorie regular diet with seeds p.o. p.r.n. for supplemental caloric intake and roughage. The routine screening laboratory studies included a CBC, chemistry panel, and urinalysis, all of which were normal except for the blood alcohol, which was greater than 400 mg percent. This was considered normal in this group. A serum immunoelectrophoresis reported an elevated gamma gobble. Goomboscopy was performed and a punch biopsy was attempted with a sterile stainless steel straw after local Xylocaine infiltration. Electron microscopy of the sample confirmed turkee in the straw. Culture and sensitivity studies demonstrate poor taste and a total lack of empathy.
As the aforementioned medical approach failed to disclose a definite diagnosis, the patient was transferred to the surgical service and surgical consultation obtained for exploratory laparotomy. Following routine surgical pluck, a wide paramidline incision was made with a Bird-Parker #11 blade exposing a large mass of thick amorphous material which was drained from the abdominal cavity. Giblets were observed grossly.
Laboratory analysis included: Breast crumbs 2 cups, egg 1 medium, celery 1 stalk finely chopped, salt 2 pinches, trace quantities of pepper, thyme, oregano and a subtherapeutic level of schmaltz were also present.
Postoperatively the patient was taken to the surgical expensive care unit and placed on a bird respirator for a short time. The remainder of the postoperative course was remarkable only that the patient was found dead in bed by the medical student. As fowl play is suspected, a postmortem examination will be performed by the dietician and following this, the body will be cremated. The results will be ready by the next to last Thursday in November.
Congenital somatic anomaly.
TP/adh Job ID: 990614 D: 11/24/2008 09:12:05 T: 11/24/2008 09:46:36
TOM PILGRIM, M.D. Date
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Here are my favs:
musculoskeleton instead of musculoskeltal
dypsnea instead of dyspnea
lympandopathy instead of lymphadenopathy
Invanez intead of Invanz
Dioplia instead of diplopia
Dialisize instead of dialyze
Instabability instead of instability
I call these Bitterisms because of who said almost every single one of them.
Here is the guys blog:
Doctors frequently invent words based on what they think the word should be. Whether the word is supposed to be a medication or a common piece of English language (such as "overneath"), if it doesn't exist, don't try to use it. Here are some typical examples of words invented by dictating physicians:
integrinous instead of integral
O'Connell-Sullivan retractor instead of O'Connor-O'Sullivan retractor
cominent instead of concomitant
delirium tremors instead of delirium tremens
I will see the patient ongoingly instead of I will see the patient on an ongoing basis.
"The fracture was reduced with good anatomicity." instead of "The fracture was reduced with good anatomic results."
"Surgicallywise, the patient has had..."
"Unangioplastable coronary artery disease"
To all the transcriptionists out there, what are your favorite Bitterisms or dictatorisms?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
After waiting for Ryan for about 45 minutes throughout the museum I was ready to go. By this point I was hungry and I just wanted to get away from all the weirdos thinking they were my friends because I was all alone.
I'd have to say it was a really cool exhibit. I would recommend you all go. Just be careful. It does sell out. I would either go really early in the morning or wait another couple of months until the newness of it wears off.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Child #1: My mom's boobs are big.
Child #2: Her boots?
Child #1: No, her boobs (then he goes on to explain how his mom's boobs are big and his little sister's boobs are little).
Child: (Looking at a map of the podium) What does this word say?
Me: Piano, you know the thing your mom plays?
Child: Oh! You mean PRANO?
My mom puts Desitin on my bootyand it makes me feel so way better!
Ryan: Where does Jesus sleep?
Child: Outside in a cage.
I love their innocence. Every week there is something new to laugh about. Oftentimes it comes in prayer form when they think they are praying for really important things such as: "Help us not to bang (hit each other)," please help us not run in the halls," "please help us keep our eyes closed," "please help so and so fold their arms." Obvious half the time during prayers they have their eyes open.
Friday, August 29, 2008
2. What kind of car did you drive? I drove a red convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet, Little Red Tomato Baby
3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? Probably when we were performing in the gym at a basketball game and my strapless bra slipped down to my belly so I had quadraboob in a tight spandex outfit. What a winner!
4. Were you a party animal? Nope, I was a good girl. We did have a lot of fun though.
5. Were you considered a flirt? Not really. I was very, very shy.
6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Negative. I did drill and the dance company.
8. Were you on any varsity teams? I was on the drill team, does that count?
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? Nope.
10. Can you still sing the fight song? Parts of it. Tina can sing it word for word. Don't ask me how, she's just amazing.
11. Who were your favorite teachers? I loved my dance teachers of course. M&M and Coach (Nichole Ortega). Dari and I did have our moments with Ms. Scholl too. I think we were the only students she liked. She would let us leave during her class and we would go to Big-O, get money from Ron G. and go to Micky D's and eat a wholesome breakfast.
12. Where did you sit during lunch? Usually on a bench across from the gym or we would go eat at Taco Time, Dalton's, Payson Market, Hogi Yogi...
13. School mascot? Lion
14. Did you go to homecoming, and with who? I went my sophomore and senior years. Sophomore with Andrew and senior with Zac B.
15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? I sometimes say I would like to go back and be sassy, but no, I would never go back. I hated high school.
16. What do you remember most about graduation? Not wanting to walk and also when Dari and I went to Vegas and lived it up on the strip!
17. Where did you go senior skip day? Was there one? I think we skipped at least once a week.
18. Were you in any clubs? Yes, National Honors Society (I know, big nerd).
19. Have you gained some weight since then? Probably about 20 pounds!
20. Who was your prom date? Casey Fannin.
21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? I really hope I don't have to suffer through another reunion.
22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Don't be so shy!
Tag 5 people: Tina, Stephanie, Carrilyne, Andrea, and Brooke.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I loved the Arts Festival! We had a lot of fun.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Needless to say, it was a very fun night.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
How long have you and your significant other been together? I believe since August 22, 2003
Who eats more? Ryan eats more, but sometimes I can out eat him depending on the day
Who said "I love you" first? Probably me
Who is taller? Duh, Ryan. I'm a short stack
Who sings better? Ryan, there is no hope for me.
Who is smarter? Who has the 4.0. Obviously Ryan, not me.
Who does the laundry? Most of the time me unless Ryan needs his scrubs or jeans that I haven't washed yet, then he'll just wash those.
Who does the dishes? Ryan.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Is there a right side of the bed?
Who pays the bills? I pay the bills. Ryan can't work because of school.
Who mows the lawn? Ryan or his mom. I was never allowed to mow the lawn growing up. Maybe because I am a clutz? I don't know.
Who cooks dinner? Me or Ryan's mom. We take turns.
Who drives when you are together? Usually me because I drive our baby car Eduardo, which is a lot nicer than Ryan's clunker Honda.
Who is more stubborn? Me for sure. Ryan is ultra laid back.
Whose parents do you see the most? Well, we live with Ryan's mom. We never see his dad and we see my parents almost every week.
Who kissed who first? Ryan kissed me first.
Who proposed? Ryan at the art museum. It was very cute.
Who is more sensitive? Me. I am very emotional and very sensitive.
Who has more friends? Ryan has lots more.
Who has more siblings? Ryan. His family is like the Brady Bunch 3 girls, 3 boys.
Who wears the pants? Depends.
I tag Andrea and Brooke.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
So, Sindee and I thought we were really cool when Alvin, my parent's neighbor shot an elk and brought it home on New Year's Day and we got to go see it. Sindee was petting it and loving it (remember it is cut wide open and bloody at this point). Anyway, we were laughing so hard when we decided to "walk" like an elk with it's legs. This is really morbid and gross. This is us holding up it's head after they had skinned it. The video is of me doing the elk walk.
So yes, Sindee and I are kind of crazy. This is how we spend New Year's Day.