Ten.

Memorial Day 2011

Do you remember this photo from last year? I took it while trying to hold back tears as I watched Ryan remember his brother. It broke my heart. I thought that taking the picture would somehow stop my tears. It did much more. This picture has been etched in my memory. It was at this exact moment that I knew this is where Kingston was supposed to be buried. I was so overcome with emotion that this is where our son would be buried. I saw what a significant and sacred place it already was for Ryan. I wanted exactly that for our son. I hated thinking that within a short time, our son would be in this same spot, resting for the remainder of his earthly existence.

This year for Memorial Day, I took our daughter and let her feel what a special place this is, multiplied by 2 now that Kingston lies there. I sat on the damp grass with Scarlet in front of me and cried. I was so sad that my son is no longer in my arms, but lying in the ground. I like to consider Memorial Day the Day of the Dead. I know it is much more than that, but for me personally, it was a harsh reminder of what I have been through over the last year. It was almost like pouring salt on my open wounds. The pain stung. Although I am very grateful for what I have been given, I am human, and I tend to miss what I have lost. My arms ache to hold our precious little boy. With the thought of being reunited with him, I am overjoyed. I often imagine what it will be like to be wrapped in his arms just as he was wrapped in mine. Rest in peace sweet child. Mommy loves you!