Crazy Fact

So, I forgot to mention this the other day. On March 11, 2011, it was seven months since delivery. I was only pregnant for 7 months (January 11-August 11). Scarlet has now officially been on the outside longer than she was on the inside. Is that crazy or what?? I kind of can't believe it.

Boxes of Memories

For the last 7 months, I have had a bag on Scarlet's floor labled on one side with "Patient Belongings." On the other side written in black marker was, "Kingston Memories." When I left the hospital 7 months ago after giving birth, I didn't get to leave with a baby in my arms. I left with a bag full of memories. I remember sitting outside my room right before I left in my wheelchair. I looked at my door with the green handprint on it. The handprint indicated to everyone who passed by, that I was a mother of a child who had passed away. I started bawling as I looked at it. I didn't get to bring my son home. My arms were empty. All I had was his bag of memories. This bag contained Kingston's blankets (3 of them to be exact). Every blanket he was wrapped in, we kept. There was no way I could let go of what held my precious son and kept him warm in his final hours. There was a heart-shaped box that contained a replica of his diaper, his little beanie he wore right after birth (it still has goo in it even, gross I know), his name bracelets that he never wore, and his hand and foot prints. It also contained the hundreds of photos we had taken of our time together and the precious time with him after he passed away. This bag contained memories, but also a lot of pain. Every time I would open the bag and see his blankets, I would feel an emptiness in my heart.

Today, I grew the strength to remove the items from our "Kingston's Memories" bag and place them in a storage tote and put it away... Off of the floor, no longer in a bag, but in a safe place. It was hard. Harder than I wanted it to be. I pulled his outfits out of the closet and placed them in the box. They are no longer where I see them when I open the closet. It breaks my heart.

In my religion, we believe that we are forever families and we will be together for eternity. That's absolutely wonderful, but guess what? That knowledge doesn't heal the physical pain of losing a child. I can't pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend it overnight. It's not possible. For my time left on earth, all I have to remember my son are memories, and memories fade. I hate that. But for now, I will cherish what I have, even if it is a box now labled "Kingston Ryan Hone."

Dear Scarlet -- 7 months

Dear Scarlet,

Over the last seven months, we have come to be best friends. I don't even know how we lived without you. You are such a joy in our lives and we are seriously so blessed to have you as our own.

This month has been really quite eventful. For Valentine's Day, we went to the cemetery and took Kingston a balloon and flowers. I guess we took them to Chad too since that's actually where we placed them since Kingston still doesn't have a headstone (someday soon he will. I hope).

You also got to take your first plane ride to California. You were absolutely wonderful. However, in the hustle and bustle of everything, I left my phone in Utah at the airport. Leave it to me to be so super flaky. At least I remembered you, right?

While in California we went to a lot of different places and had so much fun! You were such a joy! You would just sit in your stroller and look at everything. I seriously couldn't have planned for it to go any better. You even slept well. We got to take you swimming for the very first time. You loved it (check out the bikini!! I got this for you before you were born)! There's not a whole lot that you don't like.

You are such a good-mannered child. You sleep well, you're always happy, and you are such a flirt with your daddy! You always give him the cutest smiles.

We have started you on real baby food, not just the nasty rice cereal. You are an extremely good eater. So far you like squash, sweet potatoes, and apples. Peaches aren't quite your thing, but we'll keep working on it. You always want to grab the spoon when I feed you. There has only been one incident in which you sneezed as I was putting food in your mouth. Let's just say there was sqaush all over me, you, the table, and your Bumbo seat. No sneezing while eating, okay?

You now love to stand up. You are so interested in everything going on around you. You are so much fun to watch learn and grow. You will also roll from your back to your tummy and from your tummy to your back; however, you don't like to do it unless we make you. You seem to be a little lazy in that department.

I cannot believe another month of your life has passed right before my eyes. You have honestly brought so much joy into my life and I am beyond blessed to have you as my daughter.

Loves and loves,

Mama

p.s. You will now say "mama" and Papa says you also say "papa." I'll believe it when I see it! You little smarty pants!

Tricky Baby

I believe I mentioned this in a previous post, but here is the proof that she can actually do it! She hangs on for dear life and concentrates really hard to stand there without falling. It is probably the cutest thing ever... or at least the cutest thing this week.

(Sorry for the sideways video, I had to get her entire body standing there)

Daisy Dukes Bikinis on Top (California Girls... and boy)

We're home from our amazing adventure on the west coast. It all started off with me singing California Girls to Scarlet while she grinned at me from her crib. She had no idea what was about to happen. We flew out on a Wednesday and surprisingly the babe did amazing on the plane. She slept for half of the flight and then was a cutie for the rest of the time. She was very good entertainment for the entire flight and passengers. We arrived in Long Beach and off we went to get our car (Wakamavia ((Wasatch Front Kia turned around in Ryan's head comes out as Wakamavia)) and headed out to Knott's Berry Farm. Scarlet would fall asleep in her stroller as we wandered around the park. Again, she was just amazing. By the time we arrived at our hotel that night, we were spent. We ordered pizza and enjoyed its deliciousy hot goodness.

Thursday we woke up and Ryan and Jacob went and checked out a grad school in Pasadena. I drove around with Amber and the girls looking for a grocery store. We found one and had a fun time finding snacks for the day. Once the boys came back from the school, Me, Ry, Ambie and the girls headed to Hollywood. I always love seeing the big Hollywood sign, but quickly realize just how much I don't like the actual city. I could be just fine never going there again. Sorry Hollywood. While there, we went to the Hollywood Museum. I got a little freaked out as I walked past Hannibal Lecter's jail cell. Creepy. We then decided to head to the Citadel Outlets. Can I just say awesome? I wished we could have stayed there a little longer, but Scarlet decided to poop all over her outfit and down her legs and scream bloody murder until we changed and fed her. Poor thing.

We would play so hard each day that when we would lay Scarlet down, she would just poop out. She was exhausted.

Friday was filled with more fun. We drove down to San Diego, which I loved! I really enjoyed the drive. On our way to San Diego, we stopped in Huntington Beach and ate some delicious Mexican food and visited with Amber's aunt.

When we were getting to San Diego, it started raining. We had had plans to go to Legoland that day and don't worry, the rain wasn't going to stop us. We got into Legoland and it was a terrential down pour. Sad. We walked around for a little while but just got soaking wet. They even closed down all the rides, so we didn't even really get to do much.

Saturday, Sea World. Oh my! I loved it! It was the perfect weather for most of the time. Every once in a while it was start to sprinkle. We had ponchos and at the shows I would stick Scarlet underneath mine so she wouldn't get soaking wet. She thought it was the greatest toy in the world. I only started to get worried she was suffocate when she decided it was fun to put the poncho in her mouth. Probably not such a great idea.

I LOVED Shamu. It was like I was 5 years old all over again. I watched in complete amazement as this huge animal would throw itself out of the water and splash everybody. He was SO smart!

Sunday, we went to the San Diego Zoo. All I wanted to see were the pandas. Again, I was in love. I could have stayed all day and watched them. I also really loved the Koala bears. they were adorable.

Sunday afternoon, Ryan and I left San Diego and went back up to Long Beach for the night. We got to our hotel and were in shock. It was right on the beach and right next to the Queen Mary. We had so much fun taking a stoll along the coast and enjoying the beauty of the ocean. It was fabulous.

Our hotel had an awesome pool and party areas. I only wish it would have been a touch warmer so we could have enjoyed them.

Ryan has decided to create a horror film with this guy as the scary guy. Let's just say this escape suit was creepy.

Scarlet again just chilled out in her stroller and enjoyed the walk. She did amazingly well on this entire trip. We are so grateful for her.

I'm always a little sad to leave California, but glad to be home and in my own bed. Thanks California for a good time.

Dear Scarlet -- 6 months

Dear Scarlet,

Oh my word! How is it that six months have come and gone so fast? I cannot believe you, little Princess Penelope, are six months old today. I'm speechless. You now weigh in at a whopping 11 pounds 14 ounces (0th percentile). You are now 24 inches long (up 7-1/2 inches since birth, and I think 4th percentile). In the last month, we decided to see how you liked your first solid food. You hated it. In fact, you still hate it. You will drink it in your bottle, but you will not eat it from a spoon. We'll get there eventually. We took you out to eat and you got to sit in your very first big girl high chair! Obviously you were a bit too small for it, but we pretended it worked. We just stuck blankets and coats behind you to help you stay upright.

You have discovered your feet this month. It's so cute watching you grab them and try to eat them. When you grab your feet, you end up rolling from side to side. It won't be long before your rolling from your back to your tummy. However, this week you did roll from your tummy to back! Your daddy was sleeping and I was screaming from the other room in excitement. When he woke up, he asked me what I was screaming about. You showed him too. You are so awesome.

You love to stand up! You want to be standing up all the time lately. I have discovered that you can hold onto the coffee table/ottoman thing and hold yourself up. It's so cute. Your little head barely pokes up over the edge. You just are so small and to see you standing up is really adorable.

Scarlet, you bring me never-ending joy. I am so blessed to be your mom. Thank you so much for being in my life. One of my favorite parts of the day is when I get to hold you at night and rock you to sleep. I love looking at your little tiny features and thinking about how perfectly shaped your lips and nose are. I just think you are the cutest baby ever.

Happy half birthday little Scarlet! I love you to pieces and pieces.

Loves,

Mom

Don't forget...

I have been doing pretty awesome at keeping up on my letters over on my other blog. Don't forget to check it out! Here's a sneak peek of what we have been up to.... (look close at this picture)