Nicknames

Last night as I was talking to my mom, she asked what I had had for dinner. I told her Todd brought me Taco Time. She quickly responded, "I'm telling Ryan you're having an affair." This is untrue. I had to then explain to her that Todd is Ryan's alter ego. Todd is who I get mad at since I don't like to be mad at Ryan, but Todd is also the one who makes me late for things because "I have to work out!" Think I'm lying? Check out the muscles on "Todd the Bod." See, the name fits. Now, Todd is not to be confused with Ted, which is his right foot's name. That's another story for another day.

My mom then said to me, "I need a name for your dad when I get mad at him" to which I quickly replied, "oh, his name is Deebin, Deebin Dunn." What? Where is this coming from? So then I got to thinking.... I have a nickname for almost everybody in my family and I didn't even realize it!

Josh: "Jizz McNizz" Where did this come from? The only place I can think of is a while ago when "izzle" on the end of the words was "in." Josh used to always make me say, "From Hollywood Homisizzle, here is Harrison Fizzlezord and Jizzle Hartnizzle."

Then we have Nathan. He's "The Natorator" or "Jimmy Natron." He thinks I call him Jimmy Natron because he has a big head like Jimmy Neutron, but that's only part true. I just really like Jimmy Neutron.

Oh, and Tina. Her name is Chino, like the pants.

Bella often gets called Bells Manells, Bellaroo, Boobalies, and just good ole Bells. She knows herself by all of those names. She can also ollie for one of her tricks. See, she's the smartest dog ever.

Who else? Oh, of course, the babe! Scarlet has many, MANY names. Her very first name was Beautiful. We called her Beautiful the entire time in the hospital. It kind of holds a special place in my heart. Josh, or Nunkie Josh as Scarlet calls him, calls her Sweetness. I love it. She also goes by: Stinky Pinkerton, Snotty Snodigran, Sleepy Pants... pretty much we just take an emotion and/or whatever she is doing and turn it into a name. Her pacifier is also named Mr. Binks.

Am I excluded from the nicknames? Oh, totally not even. My name my entire life has always been Babe. My Christmas stocking even has "Babe" written on it. I think my little brother didn't even know my real name until he was about 7 or so. He just always called me Babe. Now, my niece and nephew, I'm not sure they know my name. They have always called me Aunt Sissy. I don't know if I have EVER heard them call me Ashley, but that's okay. Apparently I like nicknames.

Does anybody else just randomly name people? Is it just me?

Dear Scarlet -- 4 months

Dear Scarlet,

Have I told you lately just how much I adore you? You have such a beauty about you. Over this last month, you have really become quite a "talker." It's so much fun to listen to you talk about your life, or whatever it is you're talking about. You have also become super smiley. Since you now like to smile, we have discovered two very cute dimples just above your lips. So cute!!

I cannot believe you are already 4 months old! The time is flying. Before I know it, you will be a year old. It saddens me that you are growing up so quickly, but at the same time, I am enjoying you more and more each day. You seem to be learning something new all the time. You have discovered your hands. You will only suck on your left hand for some reason and you usually try to talk to it as you are sucking.

Remember how I told you that you would have beautiful blue eyes? Well, it's true. They are dazzling. They are the most beautiful blue.

You are still really tiny. I think it's hilarious, but you still wear newborn size clothes. I'm trying to transition you to 0-3 month size, but it's a bit of a stretch. You weigh 9 pounds 8 ounces and you are 22-1/2 inches. That means you have gained almost 6 pounds and grown 6 inches since you were born!! You are still in size 1 diapers. Your hair has also decided to grow just a tiny bit. It's gone from completely bald to fuzzy.

You and I had a special moment not too long ago. You love to dance. I was holding you and dancing and singing, like we do almost every day. I looked up and there we were, dancing in the reflection of Kingston's photo. It was almost as if the three of us were dancing together, just the way it always should have been. We sure do miss having him around.

I attempted to put you in the bumbo chair a couple of weeks ago and this is how it turned out. Let's just say you didn't like it. You look so cute in it though. You are doing so well holding up your head. You also did something else pretty amazing this month. You slept an entire night, a full 11 hours! Thank you!! I woke up feeling absolutely amazing. See, I hadn't had a full night's sleep in quite a few months, so it was quite a little treat for me.

The day we wanted to bring you home from the hospital, the doctor found a murmur in your heart. It was finally time to venture out to the cardiologist to see if your little heart was healthy. They hooked you up to all these leads and did an EKG to see the rhythms of your heart. The good news is, your heart is totally healthy! It was so nice to finally hear good news from a doctor.


Well, my little 4-month-old beauty, I sure do love you to pieces. You brighten my day.

Love you forever,

Mom

To my angels....

With the recent holiday of Thanksgiving having just passed, I feel I need to share something that I am indeed grateful for this year. When we found out that our little Kingston wasn't going to be living for long, we were referred to a group of counselors and nurses that IHC provides called Angel Watch.

Angel Watch so graciously came into our home and got to know us on a couple of occasions. They would just come and listen to us talk about our life and our feelings. It was very difficult, but also very beneficial. They also asked us what our hopes were with Kingston. I remember telling them through very teary eyes and thick emotions that all I wanted was to hold my son, bathe him and put a diaper on him. I wanted to know that he was mine, that I was his mother. I also told them that I really wanted a picture of the twins together so that Scarlet knew she really was a twin.

We knew very early on that the reality of Kingston living long, just wasn't reality. We knew we would be lucky if he was born alive, and if he was born alive, he probably wouldn't live to his first birthday. This in and of itself was a hard fact to accept. We did our best to accept it though. We enjoyed every day we had with him.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I knew Kingston was struggling. I was afraid that every time we would go in for a non-stress test that they would not find his heart beat. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed in my life that he would still be there, that I would still get to hear the precious beating of his heart.

August 9, 2010 or 8-9-10. I told everybody that this was the day I wanted to have my babies. I wanted them to be born on a special day. Well, as 8-9-10 was coming to a close, I prayed to my Heavenly Father. I told him that I was ready to say good-bye. I was exhausted. The unknown was literally killing me. I cried all the time. I just needed it to be over. I told him that if Scarlet was healthy enough to be born, I was ready to go through the next trial that was coming our way. I also knew that Kingston was not doing well as I no longer felt him kicking inside me. I knew he was weak and very, very sick.

August 10, 2010, I went in for a routine non-stress test. Kingston's heart rate was bad. Every time I would contract, his heart rate would drop significantly. I sat there watching the monitor and just waited for it to pick back up. This couldn't really be the end, could it? When the nurse left the room, I looked at my mother and said, "I don't think I'm ready for this" (even though just the night before I had so bravely told my Heavenly Father that I was). My sweet nurse, Denise, must have been in tune with the spirit that day. She had been seeing me twice a week for a month, so for her, this was hard too. She sent me straight to labor and delivery to be monitored.

When I arrived at the hospital, everything was fine. I had numerous people watching my babies' heart rates. I talked to so many doctors that day, my head was spinning. I thought for sure that I would be going home that night. Much to my dismay, my doctor thought otherwise. He also was listening to a very strong voice telling him to make me stay.

The next morning, August 11, 2010, I delivered my son. He was obviously weak and we knew he wouldn't be here with us for long, but we were beyond thankful that he got to take a breath of the sweet air that surrounded him. Just as our camera died in the OR, here came Heather, of Angel Watch, with her camera. She captured so many priceless moments of us with our son. Kingston with daddy's ring on his arm.

After Kingston passed away, Heather was there to bring me a basin of warm, soapy water and cotton balls so I could bathe my son in my bed. She brought me a little tiny diaper to put him in and also the most perfect little blue shirt. She also made hand and feet molds for us and a set for Scarlet (notice his little elf ears, SO CUTE). After we got Kingston dressed, she rolled me into the NICU with my son to see my daughter. She softly scooted Scarlet over in her bed and laid Kingston next to her. This was the last time my babies would be together.

This is what I am most grateful and thankful for at this time in my life. I could not believe that this angel would drop her own personal life to meet me in the OR and literally hold my hand as my son passed away. She so selflessly spent her day with me and helped me enjoy the most precious moments I had with my son. Thank you, sweet, sweet angel. Everytime I look at the picture of Kingston hanging on our wall, I am thankful we have it, thankful to a woman who took her time to take hundreds of pictures for us. Words cannot even express the gratitude in my heart for this service. She took an unfortunate situation and made it beautiful. What a blessing. Thank you so much!

Scarlet and Santa

Last night, while at the mall, I spotted Santa in the food court. I got extremely excited, like a little kid, to see him. I just knew we had to have Scarlet's picture taken with Santa for her first Christmas. Scarlet sat with him for quite a while. Apparently she has a pretty big wish list this year. She told Santa she wanted: A big box of diapers, some books, some new bottles, a couple of new outfits, and on and on she went. We will see if Santa was able to listen and understand her when Christmas morning comes. Good luck Santa!

Dear Scarlet -- 3 Months

Dear Scarlet,

I realized the other day that at some point in the future, my heart beat will no longer lull you to sleep and it made me a little sad. If you have been wondering why we snuggle so much in the afternoon and take naps together, that is why. I love that the natural rhythm of my body can soothe you to sleep.

Scarlet, I know you are too young to hear this right now, but at some point in the future, it will be helpful. When you are searching for a husband, look for a man with the qualities that your dad has. Your dad is an amazing man. He is away right now in Washington DC. He's trying to get into a master's program so that he can better his education and get a well-paying job at some point in the future. He is trying so hard to take care of you and give you the opportunities you deserve. He loves you so much. He will do anything he can to better your life and protect you. I want you to know just how proud of your dad that I am. He works so hard to provide for our little family. He's the love of my life.

Within the last month, you have had lots of fun. You experienced your first Halloween. Don't worry, I ate all of your candy. Thanks for sharing. You were the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen. We also blessed you this last month and it was a very special day. You are now in size 1 diapers!! I can't believe how fast you are growing. You now weigh 8 pounds even. You were just over 4 pounds when we brought you home. You have officially doubled your birth weight. Way to go baby girl! I put away all of your preemie clothes last night and it made me a little teary eyed. I'm sad that you are growing up so fast, but I'm so happy that you're healthy. You will occasionally smile, but you love to scream. Sometimes you "talk" too. I love that.

As the holidays are fast approaching, I can't help but think how difficult this year will be for us. We love watching you experience life, but at the same time, there is a little hole where Kingston should be. I will be wondering what it would be like to see him with you around the holidays, getting Christmas presents, and laughing with you. It hurts my heart that he is not here with you.

Well, little Scarlet, happy 3 month birthday. You make me proud to be your mother. Thank you!

Love always and forever,

Mom

Scarlet's First Halloween

For Halloween this year, we went down to good old Elk Ridge for some fun times and what else? Good food of course. My parent's next door neighbor gives out beanie babies, so I had to get one for Scarlet this year as this is the last year they will give them out. Since it was too rainy and cold, Nate (Phantom), went down to their house for me and picked out a cute little bear for Scarlet. We were lucky enough to take Amber and Kyla with us this year too. They definitely made it a great time! They were the cutest treasure trolls I have ever seen! I totally forgot to take a picture of them though. :( Sadness.

Annual Friend Halloween Party

Halloween 2010 was FULL of excitement for us! Friday, we were lucky enough to attend the annual friend party. It's always hilarious to see what everybody will come up with for their costumes. Of course, this year did not disappoint. There was lots of delicious food and fun times to be had! Thanks Seth and Abby for hosting such a fun tradition! Me and Ry. (Wondering what Ryan is? He's a droog from A Clockwork Orange). The guys. The girls.

Dear Scarlet -- Blessing Day

Dear Scarlet,

Today was your special day! This morning, you were extra happy and pleasant. You didn't cry once. You slept until I needed to get you ready, and then I took my time getting on your beautiful dress (my blessing dress), your homemade bracelet, your blessing ring and of course, your specially made shoes. You looked fabulous! I kept looking at you and thinking of how lucky I am to be your mother. The day was even perfect. This morning was bright and sunny. Last night it was dark and rainy. Then all of a sudden there was a beam of light through the clouds and the most beautiful rainbow. I believe that was your brother telling us he's right here with us.

This week had been especially emotional for me. When I was first pregnant, I would think about this day and how special it was going to be to bless you and Kingston at the same time. As today approached, I realized that dream would not be. It was only you we would get to bless today. I cried a lot. I told your dad how grateful I am to have you, yet how broken my heart is at the same time. That heart break seemed to vanish as I felt the spirit close to us today, so peaceful and comforting.

You didn't make a peep the entire time at church. Your dad held you tight as he blessed you. It was amazing to watch as he carried you to the front of the congregation in his arms and then all of the priesthood holders surrounded you and placed their hands on you. There are so many people who love you! The spirit was overwhelming. I believe Kingston was there too. I think that is why you were so calm today. Even your dad was lucky enough to feel him there. How lucky are we to have Kingston?

After church, we had a delicious lunch and great company. We had lots of cousins and friends there to celebrate you! We ates lots of yummy soups and desserts. It was the perfect day! Everybody had to pass you around and stare at you. You really did look beautiful.

Scarlet, I know you won't remember today, but it will be forever ingrained in my memory as one of the most special days of your life. The gospel is amazing. I hope that one day you gain a testimony of the gospel for yourself and share it with those around you. I could not have made it very far this year without the help of our Heavenly Father. He truly does love us. Remember, you can do anything with two people as long as one of them is God. He will lead you through your trials and be there at your happiest moments. He is the Almighty.

Love you forever,

Mom

Scarlet's Photos

I think I'm in love with my child. She's so adorable in these photos. To see more, go here. My friend Tami did Scarlet's photos yesterday. Thank you Tami!!I had to have some done in a tutu because, well, tutus are cute. I also had her do some photos in the blessing dress, my blessing dress. I'm so excited Scarlet gets to wear the same dress I wore on my special blessing day. These shoes were custom made just for my tiny Scarlet. My friend, Carrie, is absolutely amazing at sewing and quilting. You should go see her at the Quilted Bear in Provo. You can even pick up a pair of these shoes for your little one!

73 minutes... 73 days

I know that I have mentioned this to some of you before, but I am going to say it again. There was a day just a few weeks after our twins were born when Ryan and I had to go to the health department and get their birth certificates for our insurance. We also had to get Kingston's death certificate. Up until that point, I had been oddly okay with the way things were. I walked out of the health department with documents in hand and then I started reading. I held my son's death certificate and read ... Kingston Ryan Hone born August 11, 2010. Time of birth: 9:02 a.m. Time of death: 10:15 a.m. 73 minutes. At that moment, it was like a slap in the face. Yes, this is real. He's gone. That's when my eyes became so blurry with tears I could no longer read the paper I was holding. I wanted to fall to the sidewalk below me and sob. I knew he was gone, but seeing it on paper was hard. I didn't realize he had only been alive for 73 minutes. When he was here with us, it was almost as if time slowed down for just a moment. I remember it so well.

9:02 a.m.: "Ashley, take a look at your son." I did. I was scared. He was tiny.

9:04 a.m.: "Here's your daughter. You can see she is much bigger than her brother." She was.

Somewhere around 9:45 I was wheeled back into my room. I got to hold Kingston for the first time. Then Ryan held Kingston in his arms and gave him a blessing. It was beautiful. Ryan has a way with words.

They gave Kingston back to me and I could tell his breathing was slowing. I had to ask the nurse to come check him and see if he was still alive. Yes, he still had a heart beat, slow, but a heart beat no less. I remember the hurt. My heart was broken. I could do nothing to comfort Ryan. All we could do was hold our child and watch him pass away. Again, I asked the nurse to see if he was still alive. She listened and walked away. She went to get the neonatologist. He came in, put his little tiny stethoscope on Kingston's chest and with sadness in his eyes, he told us Kingston was gone. I lost it.

Now here we are, 73 days later. I cannot believe it has already been 73 days. Scarlet is thriving. She is a constant reminder to us that she is a gift from God. A gift we are so grateful for. She is also a reminder of the 73 minutes we got to spend with her brother... a gift from God. So, for those of you who are parents out there, hold your child just a little tighter today. Hold onto those precious minutes they are in your arms and thank God he has given you a wonderful gift.

A Dad and His Daughter

Is this not the cutest picture ever? We had Ryan's sister, Stephanie, do some family photos the other day and she captured this precious moment. I love, love, love it. Ryan is always so cute with Scarlet. He is such an amazing father to her.

Crazy week....

(Kristen, Sara, Tina, Saundra, Tess, Brittany, Ashley, Me)

This week has been SO busy for us. Monday, I had Halloween bunco! It was so much fun. I love getting together with these girls and laughing hysterically. We always have so much fun together. We all dressed up for Halloween, obviously. Love you girls!

Then, we FINALLY got to get rid of the dang oxygen tank that has been living in the hallway for the last month and a half. I can't say I miss that thing. Good-bye Mr. Oxygen.

Today has been full of fun. Scarlet got to get all dressed up in her Halloween costume for the annual Dunn Halloween party. We ended up getting her costume at Build-A-Bear. Fits like a charm. It was so fun for all the Dunn's to finally meet little Scarlet.

After the Halloween party, we went to Fork Fest. I have to say this is probably the coolest thing by far, that has come out of American Fork. It was an all day music festival and so much fun!! My brother, Josh, was playing in 3 of the bands so we decided to take Scarlet to see her uncle get his rock on. She loved it. I was worried about it being too loud for the baby so I grabbed her beany and took her socks off and ended up with this beauty. We were laughing so hard at her. At least I felt a little better knowing that her ears were protected from all the music. And this was just too cute. Scarlet and her Uncle Josh. He just loves her to death.

Cousin Isalena

(Tina, Scarlet, Me, Isalena)

Baby Isalena is 2 weeks older than Scarlet. I was laughing so hard at the size difference. I wonder when Scarlet will catch up.... Hmm.. Isalena looked so beautiful for her blessing. I can't wait for these two to be best friends.

Dear Scarlet -- 2 months

Dear Scarlet,

You never cease to amaze me. You have a way of stopping the world. People look at you and are in complete amazing that you are the way you are, so tiny, so beautiful, so healthy. You always make those who look at you smile. I hope you are always that way. You truly are amazing!

Do you miss him? Kingston? I miss him for you every single day. I wonder how you continue to thrive so well without him here. I thought you would struggle a little more than you did, but you are a fighter. I like to think at night, when it is most quiet, that that is when you talk to him. I hear you in your bed while you sleep and I swear I can hear you laugh and talk. It's probably just you grunting while trying to poop, but I like to think you are talking to our precious angel.

In the last month, you have rolled from your back to your tummy twice. In the same day. You haven't done it again, but I know you will one day. I'm in no rush for you to grow up. I love being your mom. Everyday is the best day of my life with you here. I have waited so long for you to be in my arms and it is more glorious than I ever could have imagined.

You now weigh 6 pounds 6 ounces! Way to go baby girl! You still wear preemie clothes at night, otherwise you drown in your jammies and I'm always worried they will swallow you up and I will never see you again. You have started sleeping 4 hour stretches at night and I am so grateful for that! Maybe a 5 hour stretch here and there won't be so bad, huh?

Tubby time is still your favorite part of the day. You get so relaxed and comfortable. There was only one instance when I pulled you out and wrapped you in the towel that you pooped all over the towel, down the front of me and all over the bathroom floor. It was probably your biggest poop to date. I'm pretty sure you just didn't want to get out of the bathtub and that was your way of getting back in. It worked. It was gross. Grandma Dunn was here to witness it and we still laugh about it.

I think your eyes will be blue like mine, not blue like daddy's. We'll see. Either way, you will have beautiful blue eyes.

You have you daddy wrapped around your finger like you can't believe. He is so in love with you. So in love! He always thinks you have the cutest outfit on (he thinks that everyday, so apparently he just thinks you are pretty cute).

Scarlet, I love you. Thank you for being mine. Happy 2 month birthday!

Loves,

Mom

p.s. If you happen to see Kingston, tell him "hi" for me and that I really miss him and love him.

Scarlet and her friends

On October 5, one of my really good friends, Molly, had a baby girl. Her due date was about 2 weeks after mine and it has been so fun to be pregnant at the same time. I am thrilled for Scarlet to have Ahnika as her BFF while we are here in Utah. Molly, congratulations! She is SO beautiful! Yep, Ahnika is already bigger than Scarlet.

One of Scarlet's other best friends is my niece Chloe. Chloe LOVES Scarlet. Loves as in, cannot get enough of Scarlet. Chloe would hold Scarlet all day if we let her. It's the cutest thing ever! Chloe doesn't like to smile, but I finally got her to.... she just had to check with dad to make sure it was okay. :) Love that girl! (and yes, that is a BYU beanie but I'm about ready to trash it since BYU is stinking this year!! Come on Cougs!)

Today was Scarlet's 2 month check-up at the doctor's office. They see us every week there in the office. We are starting to know the entire office staff. Haha. Her weight is 6 pounds 6 ounces and she is 19 inches long. They couldn't even give me the percentiles because she is off the charts! Apparently most 2-month-old babies don't weigh 6 pounds 6 ounces. She's just a tiny little squirt and we love her to pieces (check out the outie belly button).

She had to get her immunizations today and it was heartbreaking. I made Ryan go with me for emotional support. I felt so bad for Scarlet that I ended up getting 2 shots myself (flu and pertussis).

Georgetown, Here We Come!!

As I mentioned in a few posts back, Ryan had been applying to masters programs at Georgetown and Kaiser for their nurse anesthetist program. Well, yesterday he received an invitation for an interview at Georgetown! I'm so proud of him and how hard he has worked for this. We are thrilled that we get to take a little vacation out to Washington DC next month so he can have his interview. I'm not sure what I'll do while he's at his interview, but I'm sure I won't get bored (how can you get bored in DC?). Anyway, way to go Ryan!

7 weeks

My little girl is 7 weeks old today! I cannot believe all the craziness that has ensued over the last 7 weeks. Most of it has been good, but still crazy no less. As I mentioned before, she is now 5 pounds 12 ounces and about 18 inches long. She also has a double chin. I love that she is finally looking like a real newborn baby and not so much a fragile preemie anymore. Also, she is now only on oxygen at night, which I have LOVED. I love that I don't have to haul the oxygen tank everywhere anymore. That thing is such a pain in the butt. Hopefully this week she will be weaned off the oxygen completely. If only I could sleep this well. This is what I came upon this morning as I was working. Doesn't she look heavenly?

40 weeks

(26 weeks)

Today is my due date. I never thought this day would come. Never did I think that 9 months ago, that this is where I would be in my life. It's kind of surreal. We have gone through a lot since December (in vitro, moving, trisomy 18, birth, funeral, etc.). And now look at us. We have been so blessed. We have the most beautiful little girl I have ever laid eyes upon and we have a perfect son in Heaven who watches over us. See, we are blessed. If you want to re-live the in vitro experience, go here. If you want to read about the birth of Kingston and Scarlet, go here.



Scarlet is currently 5 pounds 12 ounces!! She is up 2 pounds since birth. She will be 7 weeks old tomorrow. I have attempted to move her clothing up to newborn size, but it's still a bit of a stretch. The newborn pants are huge on her, but she looks cute anyway. I did break down today and buy a couple of pairs of preemie pants and some preemie jammies since she needed a few more to get us through until she can fit into the newborn sizes. Also, I got the most beautiful necklace from this place. I'm in love.

Not a newborn.... yet

Ever since we have been able to dress Scarlet (yes, there was a point where we couldn't dress her in the NICU), we have had to put her in preemie clothes. I thought I had a decent amount of them, but I still end up doing the laundry almost everyday. I figured to cure this problem, I would just start putting her in newborn jammies. They looked like they may fit her. Afterall, we switched from preemie diapers to newborn diapers a week and a half ago and she does just fine with those (there is not much difference between preemie and newborn in the size. The newborn diapers just have all the bells and whistles with the elastic stuff all over them).

How am I supposed to make the jump from preemie to newborn if there is this much difference (preemie on the left, newborn on the right)?

My attempts were futile. Once I got her in the jammies and zipped up, her little legs couldn't even fill the legs in the jams. She looked ridiculous, not to mention it looked like she was swimming in her jams. It seriously looked like I had put her in jammies that were about 5 sizes too big for her. I swear the package says these jammies are for babies 5-8 pounds. They lie. As for now, I will enjoy my baby being in her adorable preemie clothes. There's just nothing cuter!

Here's the evolution of the diaper. From left to right: Micro-preemie, a little bigger micro-preemie (the one we put Kingston in and it was still way too big for him), preemie and newborn.

6 weeks old!

Wow, time is going by really fast. I cannot believe our little Scarlet will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. She is growing like a weed! As of Friday last week, she weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces (up from 4 pounds 12 ounces just the Friday before that)! She is such a great little eater. She still doesn't like to sleep at night, which always creates an adventure. At least I occasionally get to watch the long lost music videos on MTV and VH1 since they only play those between 2 and 5 in the morning.

Scarlet finally got to meet her Marziale cousins. It feels like they had to wait forever to meet her. I'm so glad we were finally able to get together and compare her with Makoy (one of the cutest babies EVER) who is only 3-1/2 months older than Scarlet. I'm so glad Scarlet has at least one cousin close to her age. I wish she had more, but we sure are glad she has Makoy.

Dr. Jacob was the main man who did my C-section. He was also the main doctor throughout the trying times in my pregnancy. He was there the day we found out that there was a problem with Kingston. I am so glad he was there for the delivery. He has been absolutely amazing throughout this entire process.

In other news, Ryan has been crazilly trying to get applications into two graduate schools, Georgetown (Washinton DC) and Kaiser (California). We are not getting our hopes up for acceptance, this is more to just kind of see where he stands among the applicants. If he gets in though, great! If not, we will try again next year.

Here's a pic of Scarlet, just because she is the cutest baby ever (I can say that since she's mine, right?) Hopefully she can get that stupid oxygen off this week. Keep your fingers crossed.

Dear Scarlet -- 1 month

Dear Scarlet,

Today you are one month old. In some ways this month has gone by fast and in other ways it has felt like forever since you were born. Everyday that goes by, you get more and more beautiful. Your father and I just adore you and we are so glad you are finally a part of our family.

Bella is trying to get used to you. She still smells you and wonders what in the world is going on. I'm quite positive you two will be best of friends some day.

In the last month, you have lived most of those days in the NICU, 27 to be exact. Kingston came and went. We had an amazing funeral for him. One day we will show it to you. You have grown quite a bit. You went from 3 pounds 12 ounces to 4 pounds 12 ounces. You have grown just over half an inch as well. You are still very petite, just the way I love it. You have been so fun to dress in the little tiny preemie clothes. Your headbands still don't fit because your head is just too small still. You love your baths. You have been so much fun already and I can't wait for all that is to come!

Scarlet, we love you to pieces!

Loves,

Mom

4 weeks and.....

SHE's HOME!!!!

I'm a little late in posting this. As you can probably guess, things have been a bit chaotic lately. The hospital called me at 6:00 a.m. Sunday morning and told me to pack my bags because I would be staying at the hospital until Scarlet came home. I packed up and off I went. We worked on feedings all day long. The NICU gave me a room to sleep in so I could take some naps in between feeds. I did this all day Sunday and all day Monday. Then I made Ryan come to the hospital so he could "room in" with us. They brought Scarlet to our room and made sure we were okay to take care of her on our own. Ryan said it was the worst night of his life. It wasn't really that bad. Tuesday morning we woke up and we were all ready to go. The doctor came in to do Scarlet's discharge physical and low and behold.... She found a heart murmur. Are you kidding me? Of course this was on labor day and the cardiology people were super slow because of the holiday. We waited around for 6 hours to get an echocardiogram to make sure Scarlet's heart was okay. Yes, she does have a murmur and a few other small problems with her heart, but they don't seem to be too serious. We will have her follow up with a pediatric cardiologist in a few months to check it all again. We made it home by Tuesday evening, just in time for dinner. We are SO glad to be home. I love having her here with me all the time now. She thinks it's funny to stay awake all night and then sleep all morning. Little stink. We'll teach her eventually. They discharged Scarlet one day shy of being in the NICU for 4 weeks. Welcome home cutie baby! We love you!

Tubby Time

Last night, Ryan and I got to give Scarlet a bath. It was a first time for us. I thought she would start screaming the second she touched the water, but she didn't. She slept the entire time she was in the bath. At the hospital, they do what is called a swaddling bath. You keep the baby wrapped up the entire time in the bath and only unwrap the part you need to wash. She was in heaven. I loved every second of it. Seriously, I cannot wait until she is home.

Three weeks

I am in complete amazement that it has already been 3 weeks since I gave birth to the two most beautiful babies I have ever laid eyes upon. It has also been 3 weeks since I said good-bye to one of those most beautiful babies. I have a lot of mixed emotions as I sit here today. Scarlet is more amazing than I ever could have imagined and the biggest blessing I have ever received. It is because of her that I wake up every morning and smile.... but it never fails. Every time I hold her and see her looking off in the distance and smile, I have to wonder if she can see Kingston... and then I cry. I miss my baby. I would give anything to hold him in my arms again... to kiss his perfect little nose... to smell his smell... to hear his cry. My heart aches that he is gone from this earth. I know he is safe and sound with my Heavenly Father, but it still hurts that he is gone. I miss him for Scarlet too. The day they were born replays often in my head. The memories are still so fresh. With the memories, comes the pain and tears of losing a child. This will get easier one day, right?


Scarlet earned 2 gold stars last night. I'm not joking either. When I went in this morning, she had 2 gold stars stuck to her name tag. She ate almost double what her regular feeding is! She kicks major butt in the eating department. We are now breastfeeding her 3 times a day. It is really wearing me out to drive to the hospital 3 times a day, but it is so worth it. I love that baby to death. She makes me so proud! Also, she is finally over 4 pounds!!! Yeah Scarlet! Her weight last night was 4 pounds 0.4 ounces. Tiny little squirt!

Amazing Baby!

I just got home from the hospital for the second time today. I am exhausted. I went back to work yesterday so in between visits to the hospital, I get to work. It's been an interesting transition so far, but I'm sure it will get easier. Anyway, I attempted to feed my little Scarlet tonight. We start by putting her on the scale to see how much she weighs, then I feed her and we weigh her again. She totally rocked tonight! She took half of her feeding from me before she totally konked out. I am so proud of her! This is a monumental step. We are getting that much closer to coming home! I think she even saved up her poops for the day for me too. I had to change 2 poopy diapers tonight. They were actually the first poopy diapers of hers that I have changed. Ever. Usually Ryan ends up with the poopies. Oh, and I have mentioned how much she LOVES her dad? It is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. She always smiles when she hears his voice, like huge grin smiles. See, I told you she's amazing!

In other news, when we went to see her in the NICU yesterday they told us she moved downstairs. What the? Yep, since she is one of the more stable babies, they moved her to the peds ward/NICU overflow. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love being in the NICU (at least when we were in her nice big suite), but I also love being downstairs where it is super quiet. In the peds unit, she shares a room with 2 other babies, both boys... David and Lucas. Maybe they'll be friends one day? I sure love that babe!

Dr. Scarlet

Scarlet is doing well in the NICU. She was moved to the step-down unit on Saturday and has been there ever since. She has a nice little suite right by the front door. She also moved up to the incubator. Apparently she can grow better in there. It's like a greenhouse for a baby. Her feedings have been advanced and she is tolerating them well. She has started doing non-nutritive breastfeeding, but she freaks out when she gets my milk in her mouth. She still just gets all of her feedings through a tube since she is too small to suck strong enough to take them from a nipple. We are so proud of our little fighter! (p.s. I'm pretty sure that doctor's outfit is a build-a-bear outfit, small enough for those tiny bears, yet too big on our little Scarlet!)

Good Afternoon

Love,

Scarlet

p.s. Thank you to the cute NICU nurse who took these photos of Scarlet!

Day 7 in the NICU

Day what? No way has it already been a week that we brought these precious babies into our world. Wow! Tomorrow will mark one week since they were born. Here's the update on Scarlet. She's still very adorable. She is off of all oxygen and has been for a few days now. She is doing great on room air. She still has an IV in her umbilicus that helps with her nutrition and other things. She just has a little feeding tube in her nose right now because she is still too tiny to suck strong enough to eat from a bottle or from me. She absolutely LOVES her daddy. When she hears his voice she will open her eyes and take a look at him. I swear sometimes she will even smile at him. She has been on and off the bililights, currently back on them because her bilirubin keeps going up and down. Her feedings are being advanced everyday and she is tolerating them well. She gets my milk every 3 hours. Today she was getting 11 mL and tomorrow it will go up to 14 mL. We have also been doing a little skin-to-skin holding. She loves it. Tonight we went in and she was very upset at her nurse for changing her diaper. We picked her up and held her next to our skin and immediatey her heart rate dropped as well as her respiratory rate. She calmed right down for us. Overall she is doing fantastic and we couldn't be more proud of our little fighter.