Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Three weeks

I am in complete amazement that it has already been 3 weeks since I gave birth to the two most beautiful babies I have ever laid eyes upon. It has also been 3 weeks since I said good-bye to one of those most beautiful babies. I have a lot of mixed emotions as I sit here today. Scarlet is more amazing than I ever could have imagined and the biggest blessing I have ever received. It is because of her that I wake up every morning and smile.... but it never fails. Every time I hold her and see her looking off in the distance and smile, I have to wonder if she can see Kingston... and then I cry. I miss my baby. I would give anything to hold him in my arms again... to kiss his perfect little nose... to smell his smell... to hear his cry. My heart aches that he is gone from this earth. I know he is safe and sound with my Heavenly Father, but it still hurts that he is gone. I miss him for Scarlet too. The day they were born replays often in my head. The memories are still so fresh. With the memories, comes the pain and tears of losing a child. This will get easier one day, right?

Scarlet earned 2 gold stars last night. I'm not joking either. When I went in this morning, she had 2 gold stars stuck to her name tag. She ate almost double what her regular feeding is! She kicks major butt in the eating department. We are now breastfeeding her 3 times a day. It is really wearing me out to drive to the hospital 3 times a day, but it is so worth it. I love that baby to death. She makes me so proud! Also, she is finally over 4 pounds!!! Yeah Scarlet! Her weight last night was 4 pounds 0.4 ounces. Tiny little squirt!


Monica said...

You are one strong person, Ashley! What a great example you are. I don't think anyone should ever have to lose a child. They are such a precious gift. How great to know that Kingston is with Heavenly Father and he can be yours forever! My thoughts and prayers are with you and little Scarlet. I hope and pray that she continues to grow and thrive, and that you will have the strength you need to keep going. I wish you the best!

Me said...

I believe she can sense that he is there. My sister passed away almost three years ago and my daughter who was too little to remember still talks about her in random, or says she came for dinner. The hurt will not be as constant, but sometimes you just need to cry to feel like it is real. Hope and strength come at the times needed most.