73 minutes... 73 days

I know that I have mentioned this to some of you before, but I am going to say it again. There was a day just a few weeks after our twins were born when Ryan and I had to go to the health department and get their birth certificates for our insurance. We also had to get Kingston's death certificate. Up until that point, I had been oddly okay with the way things were. I walked out of the health department with documents in hand and then I started reading. I held my son's death certificate and read ... Kingston Ryan Hone born August 11, 2010. Time of birth: 9:02 a.m. Time of death: 10:15 a.m. 73 minutes. At that moment, it was like a slap in the face. Yes, this is real. He's gone. That's when my eyes became so blurry with tears I could no longer read the paper I was holding. I wanted to fall to the sidewalk below me and sob. I knew he was gone, but seeing it on paper was hard. I didn't realize he had only been alive for 73 minutes. When he was here with us, it was almost as if time slowed down for just a moment. I remember it so well.

9:02 a.m.: "Ashley, take a look at your son." I did. I was scared. He was tiny.

9:04 a.m.: "Here's your daughter. You can see she is much bigger than her brother." She was.

Somewhere around 9:45 I was wheeled back into my room. I got to hold Kingston for the first time. Then Ryan held Kingston in his arms and gave him a blessing. It was beautiful. Ryan has a way with words.

They gave Kingston back to me and I could tell his breathing was slowing. I had to ask the nurse to come check him and see if he was still alive. Yes, he still had a heart beat, slow, but a heart beat no less. I remember the hurt. My heart was broken. I could do nothing to comfort Ryan. All we could do was hold our child and watch him pass away. Again, I asked the nurse to see if he was still alive. She listened and walked away. She went to get the neonatologist. He came in, put his little tiny stethoscope on Kingston's chest and with sadness in his eyes, he told us Kingston was gone. I lost it.

Now here we are, 73 days later. I cannot believe it has already been 73 days. Scarlet is thriving. She is a constant reminder to us that she is a gift from God. A gift we are so grateful for. She is also a reminder of the 73 minutes we got to spend with her brother... a gift from God. So, for those of you who are parents out there, hold your child just a little tighter today. Hold onto those precious minutes they are in your arms and thank God he has given you a wonderful gift.