Monday, May 17, 2010

An Unfortunate Update

So, here's an update on our little family. As you know, last week we underwent an amniocentesis to do genetic testing on our little boy. We got the FISH test results back on Friday. There is nothing scarier than being home alone when the genetic counselor calls to give you the news of your test results. Ryan was at work and I can't call him while he's there, so I knew I was on my own for a while. Well, the results were what we expected and it's not a happy outcome. Our baby boy has trisomy 18. As she gave me the results, my heart sank into my chest and I tried to hold it together as best I could. I hung up the phone and just sat there and stared, wondering how in the world I was going to tell Ryan the news. I knew I couldn't be alone, so I packed up myself and Bella and went to our good friend's, Jacob and Amber's house. I'm beyond grateful they were there for us that night. I didn't say anything to them at first because I wanted to talk to Ryan before I said anything to anybody. I waited and waited for him to get off of work. Almost 2 hours after his shift ended (bad day at work), he finally came over to J&A's house. I pulled him out onto the porch and told him the diagnosis. We just held each other and cried.

What does this mean for our baby? Well, trisomy 18 is fatal. He will either pass away in utero or shortly after birth. What does this mean for baby girl? Well, we still need that question answered, but as far as we know, she can keep growing and developing until we get to the point we have to deliver for some reason. We're hoping the delivery doesn't end up coming too soon. We are praying we can at least have a healthy baby girl through all of this.

Our hearts are completely broken. We feel we worked so hard to get these little ones here and now we have to immediately give one back to God. We are definitely honored though, that God has chosen us to be the parents of such a choice spirit, a spirit too perfect to stay here in this imperfect world. Thank you all for your prayers. I believe they have brought us comfort in our time of grief. Please continue to pray for us that we may have a healthy baby girl and that those around us may find comfort as well.

30 comments:

Tiffany said...

Oh Ashley. My heart is breaking for you guys. I hope with all my heart your little girl is okay. We will keep you in our prayers.

The Painter's said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this trial. I'm sure there are no words that can ease the hurt you are feeling. I will certainly keep you, Ryan and both of your sweet spirits in my prayers.

On Our List said...

I'm so sorry. I don't usually comment but my heart is breaking for you guys. I felt you should know we are praying for you. May the Lord comforting hand be with you. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Harmony said...

I don't know what to say. I'm heartbroken for you.

Dari said...

Ash, I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you guys are feeling right now. I am trying not to cry in my cubicle right now. Just know that this special little guy was put in your lives for a reason. Also I am here if you need anything and I love you guys so much. I read a ladies blog who has been through this same thing. But her son was a single birth. She is the sweetest lady you could ever meet and she is LDS too. You should visit her blog and I know if you wanted someone to talk to, she would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. http://lipstickandlaundry.blogspot.com/.

I will continue to pray for your family and the safe delivery of baby girl. I hope the Lord will send you extra comfort in your time of need. Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diana said...

Ah Ash,
I don't know the right thing to say, so just know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Molly said...

Oh ashley i am so sorry. It made me so sad when i read the news. We will continue to pray for you and ryan and the babies. Love ya tons If you need anything let me know.

Hulse Fam said...

our hearts are aching for your little family....we love you guys

Jaime Williams said...

I truely believe your statement about your boy being too perfect for this cruel world. He just needed a body for a short amount of time, and you were able to give that to him. You guys are so strong, and we pray for you often.

The Serre's said...

Gosh, not only must your baby boy be perfect, but you and Ryan must have such strong spirits for God to give you such a trial. We are praying for you and love you all.

From our Home to yours said...

I believe through your faith you WILL pull through this! How honored you must feel to have such a choice spirit to come and gain a body to be perfect again. We will continue praying. We LOVE you both SO much!!!

Brande J. said...

I got teary-eyed reading your post. I am so sorry to hear of the news of your little guy. I will be praying for your little girl that she will be healthy.

McGiven Family.... said...

Thinking and praying for you at this most difficult time. You are so strong and I hope with all my heart your little girl will pull through.

Shanna said...

Ashley,
My heart just aches for you and Ryan. I can only imagine what pain you must feel. I called your mom today not knowing about your condition and asked how you were, where your mom and of said through her tears that you weren't doing so well, she then told me to go look at your blog. I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish so badly I could take this pain from you. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

cowbell kelly said...

Ash I am so sorry babe. I don't know what else to say other than you guys have been and will continue to be in our prayers. I love your guts.

callie.bottero said...

Big hug from us. Love you.

Katie & Jess said...

We're thinking about you and sending positive thoughts! Love you two!

Neysa said...

Ashley....I am SOOOOOO SORRY! I left you a personal message on facebook already, but I will let you know again that we will pray for you guys. Please let us know if you need anything. Love ya!

Heather said...

Ash, my heart breaks for you and your family. You are in my prayers. Times like this we are reminded of the peace we can find in the gospel... love you!

Stutz Family said...

I'm crying HUGE tears right now. I'm so sorry. We love you to pieces!

Stephanie said...

You and Ryan are much stronger than I and Jim! You both are handling this very amazingly. There isn't a minute in the day when I don't think about you. If you ever need anything just call us!

Cheyenne said...

Ashley we're here for you and we love you guys.

Jeff, Christa, and Evelyn said...

Our thoughts and prayers with you. Those two little spirits are so blessed to have you and Ryan as their parents! We miss you in the ward!

Seth Ollerton said...

Ashley and Ryan, we are sorry to hear that news but I was impressed by the words you wrote, Ashley. We love you both and send ALL love and support your way.

j anderson said...

So sorry to hear your sad news. My friend has a Trisomy 18 daughter who had corrective surgeries and is now 10 years old. They are really pioneers in this area, because doctors have routinely allowed the children to die. Here's an article about her: http://trisomy13-patausyndrome.blogspot.com/2010/05/in-flu-pandemic-or-earthquake-utah.html. She's on facebook...

Bugg's mama said...

It doesn't seem fair. I've asked myself that about our boy. I am sorry. Sooo sorry! I'm glad that you've got a good husband and family & friends for support. Pray your heart out, blog for therapy, eat what makes you happy, record your blessings, go to the temple....

that's what worked for me.

Love, Bree

Anonymous said...

hello i just saw your friends blog about your twins and saw your post after i posted this to her sight please dont give up...]
hello i came across you post here and see that your friend is expecting a t18 baby. My name is marta Im here to give HOPE my son kayden has trisomy 18 and will be 9 years old next month.He is amazing in every way. more of these kids are living if given a chance.We have been very lucky her ein MN to get kayden treated in the begenning and he does very well.if you go to youtube and in their search write trisomy 18 kayden you will see photos from birth till now.my email is martamcclanahan@hotmail.com i would love to talk with your friend.More kids live then people know.Her ein Mn where i live we have had 8 kids living from age 4 to age 22 all full trisomy 18 and all with in 2 hours apart of eachother. just goes to show you that dr's dont know everything as the midcal books on t18 have not been updated since 1960's. Im also on facebook and we have a group called trisomy 18/13 journey there is ALOT of moms on there with living children.I pray that this little boy is strong and that the dr's will give him a chance... please get ahold of me GOD BLESS

Jacob, Amber, and Baby Kyla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jacob, Amber, and Baby Kyla said...

We love you. We will continue to pray for you both and for the minis.

Heidi and Michael said...

I'm so sorry Ashley. You are an amazing mom already my dear! And you are right. What a choice spirit your little guy is. He is too perfect. You and Ryan are a darling couple and I'm sure its so comforting to know you have each other to lean on during this challenging time. We will keep praying for you, Ryan and your precious little ones.