Will we get 99 days?

I have watched this video a few times now and I just wonder if this will be anything like what it will be like with my little guy. I look foward to the day I can hold him in my arms and kiss his head, change his diaper and give him a bath. I can only look at this little boy and think that my son will look very similar. This baby has many characteristics of trisomy 18, much the same as our son. How many days will we get?

22 weeks

I realized I hadn't posted a belly shot for a while so I made Ryan take one today (and I look super tired in this pic. Ick). Yikes! Holy crap! When did I get this big? People have been making comments about how big I am, but I didn't really believe them until I saw this picture. Hello!! My belly is now great for catching all the food that I drop. I often have a streak of something all the way down my belly. Good thing I stay in my house on most days or I would be really embarrassed. The little minis are kicking like crazy, especially our little boy. He is SO ACTIVE. I think I feel him most because he is so squished in the bottom of my uterus and his sister is on top of him tormenting him. I just love these little twins. Another development is that you can now actually see my belly move when the babies move. It's so amazing!

Perinatology Visit

Yesterday we had a follow-up visit with our perinatologist, Dr. S. He's amazing. Ryan had to work so I went alone, which was scary, but Ryan had agreed to meet us on his lunch break to discuss the results of all of the genetic testing. I started off with an ultrasound and got to see my two most precious creations. They were beautiful. Baby boy was litterally curled into a ball. I knew he had been doing some crazy things this last week. He wakes me up every night. I believe it's his way of telling me he's still there. He's even been jumping on my bladder. Hello! Now I know how you can pee your pants and not even mean to because I have almost done it now on about 3 occasions.

After the ultrasound, which was very brief, we met with the genetic counselor and Dr. S. (this is where Ryan joined us). We got to discuss just how amazing our support system is with the counselor and what the future holds for us. It was much easier to talk about this time around. We are being provided with a hospice service to help us get through these next few months. I'm beyond grateful for the help of Miss K (the genetic counselor) and Dr. S. These two people are amazing. They let me smile yesterday. I left our appointment feeling amazing. I know we are in good hands and so are our little miracles. The road ahead of us will be scary and rough, but we are not alone. I'm grateful for that too.

The amount of support Ryan and I have received over this last week has been more than we could have asked for. We are so grateful for our family, friends, and strangers out there who let us know they are there for us. Thank you!

My night ended with a phone call from my OB. He's a good guy too. I couldn't believe he took the time out of his very busy schedule to call me and let me know he was thinking about us. It means a lot to me to have a doctor who cares so much for his patients. I am honestly completely overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude right now.

An Unfortunate Update

So, here's an update on our little family. As you know, last week we underwent an amniocentesis to do genetic testing on our little boy. We got the FISH test results back on Friday. There is nothing scarier than being home alone when the genetic counselor calls to give you the news of your test results. Ryan was at work and I can't call him while he's there, so I knew I was on my own for a while. Well, the results were what we expected and it's not a happy outcome. Our baby boy has trisomy 18. As she gave me the results, my heart sank into my chest and I tried to hold it together as best I could. I hung up the phone and just sat there and stared, wondering how in the world I was going to tell Ryan the news. I knew I couldn't be alone, so I packed up myself and Bella and went to our good friend's, Jacob and Amber's house. I'm beyond grateful they were there for us that night. I didn't say anything to them at first because I wanted to talk to Ryan before I said anything to anybody. I waited and waited for him to get off of work. Almost 2 hours after his shift ended (bad day at work), he finally came over to J&A's house. I pulled him out onto the porch and told him the diagnosis. We just held each other and cried.

What does this mean for our baby? Well, trisomy 18 is fatal. He will either pass away in utero or shortly after birth. What does this mean for baby girl? Well, we still need that question answered, but as far as we know, she can keep growing and developing until we get to the point we have to deliver for some reason. We're hoping the delivery doesn't end up coming too soon. We are praying we can at least have a healthy baby girl through all of this.

Our hearts are completely broken. We feel we worked so hard to get these little ones here and now we have to immediately give one back to God. We are definitely honored though, that God has chosen us to be the parents of such a choice spirit, a spirit too perfect to stay here in this imperfect world. Thank you all for your prayers. I believe they have brought us comfort in our time of grief. Please continue to pray for us that we may have a healthy baby girl and that those around us may find comfort as well.

Our week

This last week has been a basket of mixed emotions around here. Definitely bittersweet. When you conceive a child, it is the most beautiful thing imaginable. And then you get to feel it move within you, which is probably the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I love more than anything that I have 2 of God's children growing in my belly and that I get to be their mother. I never, ever thought I would be here. Last week we had our gender ultrasound, as you all know. There was an issue to raise some concern. We tried to deny the severity of it. It hurt too bad to think that our child could actually have a serious, life-threatening problem. Who wants to think that? We prayed our hearts out and cried, but we still found time to be excited to know we were having a boy and a girl. On Wednesday, we met with perinatology. Our deepest fears were becoming more and more of a reality. We spent 3 hours with the specialist undergoing hours of ultrasound. Our daughter is perfectly healthy, growing, and thriving. A parent's dream. Our son has some issues. You know it's bad when the doctor starts whispering to the ultrasound technician during your ultrasound and they start looking at more specific things. Then we had to switch rooms and do another ultrasound where the doctor pointed out his concerns and told us what he thought was going on. Again, our deepest fears were coming true. A reality we just don't want to face. We worked so hard for this child and now? Now what? You all know from a previously mentioned post that he has bladder problems. It seems to be quite a bit more severe than that now. Again, please keep us in your prayers. Our hearts ache. We had to undergo an amniocentesis to check the chromosomes of our little man for an answer as to what is going on. That was something I never wanted to do and I for sure never want to do it again. It was a very long needle going into a really tiny space, through walls of muscles. Yeah, it hurt. You moms know what contractions feel like. It hurts. I couldn't even watch. I was beyond afraid, not of the needle or them hurting my baby, but afraid of why we were doing this test and what the results will reveal.

All you moms out there, give you children extra hugs today. Realize what a miracle it is that they are here on this earth. Love them a little more than usual today.

Mini Humans A and B

(Blogger turned my picture again. I can't get it to go the right way.)

We wanted to surprise our families and friends with the genders of the twins, especially since we didn't get to do a fun surprise to tell everybody we were pregnant. I did so well lying to everybody (sorry if you got lied to). It was really hard to lie to people and tell them we weren't having our ultrasound until this week. I purposefully scheduled the ultrasound before mother's day so we could give our mom's an extra special gift this year. Mother's day also happened to land on my dad's birthday too so we gave him an extra special birthday gift as well.

Saturday we went to Carolyn's house and told her that her mother's day gift was in the trunk and she had to go open the trunk to get it. I had tied balloons to her actual gift in hopes that when she opened the trunk they would fly out. They didn't. They just sat there and she didn't even see them at first. She got exicted for her umbrella and I said to Ry, "she didn't even get it!" Then she looked a little closer and saw the pink balloon and read, "It's a girl!" IT'S A GIRL!!! Then she pulled out the blue balloon and realized we're having a GIRL and a BOY! That's right everybody, most of you who voted got it right! A BOY and a GIRL!! We're thrilled.

Sunday morning I woke up and started my baking endeavors. We opted to do a sugary sweet treat for my family. I baked up some cupcakes and then filled one with pink frosting and one with blue frosting. Then I frosted them all with purple and green. My mom actually dropped by my house while I was frosting the cupcakes and insisted on eating one right then because she was so hungry. Thank goodness none of the writing was on them yet and the pink and blue evidence had been destroyed. I told her she couldn't have one, they were for bunco. I felt really bad lying to her. After she left I wrote, "Baby A?", "Baby B?" and headed down to Elk Ridge to make the announcement. My family was very excited when they realized what they were. Cupcake fest soon commenced. It was like watching a cake eating contest. I just sat back and watched as the entire family dug in and gobbled up the cupcakes. My mom started off strong with her first cupcake being the one filled with blue. She bit into it, looked at me, and said, "does this mean a boy?" Then she started crying. Tina was very dilligent in her efforts taking huge bites and then setting down the cupcakes in frustration when there was no surprise in the center. When it came to the VERY LAST cupcake, my dad finally found the pink center.

And there you have it. Pink and blue! And if you were wondering, it's baby boy who has the bladder problem. We will for sure keep you all updated when we find out more. Again, please keep him in your prayers. We are concerned for our little guy, but he seems to be thriving and as happy as ever, kicking the crap out of his sister and of course my bladder. Cute little guy.

BigBIG news: Continued

Okay, I'm awake. It hurts. The ultrasound was of course, amazing. There were in fact 2 mini humans in my belly. Baby B was up first. Brain, heart, hands, feet, legs, arms, lips.... All there and all healthy! Baby A up second. Brain, heart, hands, feet, legs..... Yeah, it was scary. Baby A's bladder was so big we couldn't really see much of anything else. We couldn't see the spine. Baby A has what is called megacystis. At least that's the diagnosis as of today. We were whisked away to meet with a doctor and discuss Baby A. Again, scary. Of course they tell us not to worry, but how do you not worry about this little baby you love so much and who is now something so real. Our doctor immediately scheduled an appointment for us to see perinatology (a doctor who specializes in high risk complications/pregnancies). We don't get to go see them until Wednesday, which feels like an eternity away. Please pray for Baby A.

BigBIG news

Today is our ultrasound day. Hopefully everything goes well and we get to find out the gender of our mini humans. The feelings I have today are quite similar to the feelings I had back when I was 7 weeks pregnant and we went in for the very first ultrasound. What will they find? Are they going to be okay? Are there still 2 of them in there? I'm still completely amazed that this is my life. I'm going to be a mom. We have a special mother's day surprise for our mother's where we will reveal the genders to them. That will be in another post. Pinch me. Wake me up. I'm dreaming.

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Baby Makoy

Well, this last week we had a new arrival in our family. I was so excited for her to come into this world. I had to tell everybody I was getting a new niece. She will be good practice for Ryan and I before our mini humans arrive. Baby Makoy made her entrance a week ago weighing in at 6 pounds 1 ounce, 18 inches long. The cutest thing I have ever seen is Ryan holding her and the way he looked and smiled at her. You could see his instant love for such a beautiful little baby. He quickly realized that he would soon be holding his own children in his arms, and not just 1, but 2 of them. I, on the other hand, left the hospital a tiny bit freaked out. The realization of our minis arriving soon is becoming more of a reality to me.

In other news, the other night I could feel this hard lump in my abdomen. What the heck? Then I realized it was either a head or a bum I could feel. Are you kidding me? Now this pregnancy is real. These babies are real. I still look at myself in the mirror and wonder, is this really happening? Are we really having our own kids? We've waited so long for this and yes, it is real and it is the most amazing thing in the world!

May+Snowbird+Snow=

A HUGE MESS! Ryan and I have had one heck of a time over the last 24 hours. Well, more of an adventure. We left our house last night around 7:30 or so. We stopped off at Wal-Mart and grabbed some groceries. By the time we got out of the store, the snow had started coming. We didn't make a big deal out of it. I was just focused on getting up to Snowbird and soaking my feet in the hot tub. Well, by the time we hit the canyon it was a blizzard. Literally. I couldn't see anything. I wasn't too worried at first, but by the time the snow started sticking to the canyon roads, I started to panic. I could no longer see the little white line on the side of the road telling me where the cliff was that I would drive off of if I crossed it. Oh panic. Our little Eduardo (the car) made a valiant effort, and after making it about 5 miles up Little Cottonwood Canyon he informed us he was no longer into the blizzard or the snowy canyon roads and we were stopped. Dead stop, in a blizzard on the side of a mountain. I wanted to cry. Thank goodness by this point Ryan was driving since I was in full on freak out mode. We turned around and went back down the canyon. Apparently they don't plow the roads after 9:00 p.m. so there was no way we were going to get to Snowbird last night. We didn't want to drive all the way home, so we called our cousin Broc. Broc to the rescue. He was able to get us a room at the Crystal Inn so we didn't have to drive all the way back home and then back to Snowbird today. He saved our lives and probably our sanity. We got a warm place to sleep and a delicious breakfast this morning. Well, now we are finally up at Snowbird and apparently half the state of Utah is also here skiing since there was a downfall of the fluffy white last night. It is practically the dead of winter here. So now you ask, what will we do while we are here? Well, bingo for one thing. We'll watch some movies, eat some popcorn, drink some Coke, go swimming/hot tubbing/steam rooming, etc. Water workouts and Tai Chi are also an excellent option. I'm thinking of taking up the water workout for the mini humans. We need a little exercise. Welcome to Utah in May! Ick! This is what I can see when I stand on our balcony. Oh weather, you are so funny right now.