Scarlet and Santa

Last night, while at the mall, I spotted Santa in the food court. I got extremely excited, like a little kid, to see him. I just knew we had to have Scarlet's picture taken with Santa for her first Christmas. Scarlet sat with him for quite a while. Apparently she has a pretty big wish list this year. She told Santa she wanted: A big box of diapers, some books, some new bottles, a couple of new outfits, and on and on she went. We will see if Santa was able to listen and understand her when Christmas morning comes. Good luck Santa!

Dear Scarlet -- 3 Months

Dear Scarlet,

I realized the other day that at some point in the future, my heart beat will no longer lull you to sleep and it made me a little sad. If you have been wondering why we snuggle so much in the afternoon and take naps together, that is why. I love that the natural rhythm of my body can soothe you to sleep.

Scarlet, I know you are too young to hear this right now, but at some point in the future, it will be helpful. When you are searching for a husband, look for a man with the qualities that your dad has. Your dad is an amazing man. He is away right now in Washington DC. He's trying to get into a master's program so that he can better his education and get a well-paying job at some point in the future. He is trying so hard to take care of you and give you the opportunities you deserve. He loves you so much. He will do anything he can to better your life and protect you. I want you to know just how proud of your dad that I am. He works so hard to provide for our little family. He's the love of my life.

Within the last month, you have had lots of fun. You experienced your first Halloween. Don't worry, I ate all of your candy. Thanks for sharing. You were the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen. We also blessed you this last month and it was a very special day. You are now in size 1 diapers!! I can't believe how fast you are growing. You now weigh 8 pounds even. You were just over 4 pounds when we brought you home. You have officially doubled your birth weight. Way to go baby girl! I put away all of your preemie clothes last night and it made me a little teary eyed. I'm sad that you are growing up so fast, but I'm so happy that you're healthy. You will occasionally smile, but you love to scream. Sometimes you "talk" too. I love that.

As the holidays are fast approaching, I can't help but think how difficult this year will be for us. We love watching you experience life, but at the same time, there is a little hole where Kingston should be. I will be wondering what it would be like to see him with you around the holidays, getting Christmas presents, and laughing with you. It hurts my heart that he is not here with you.

Well, little Scarlet, happy 3 month birthday. You make me proud to be your mother. Thank you!

Love always and forever,

Mom

Scarlet's First Halloween

For Halloween this year, we went down to good old Elk Ridge for some fun times and what else? Good food of course. My parent's next door neighbor gives out beanie babies, so I had to get one for Scarlet this year as this is the last year they will give them out. Since it was too rainy and cold, Nate (Phantom), went down to their house for me and picked out a cute little bear for Scarlet. We were lucky enough to take Amber and Kyla with us this year too. They definitely made it a great time! They were the cutest treasure trolls I have ever seen! I totally forgot to take a picture of them though. :( Sadness.

Annual Friend Halloween Party

Halloween 2010 was FULL of excitement for us! Friday, we were lucky enough to attend the annual friend party. It's always hilarious to see what everybody will come up with for their costumes. Of course, this year did not disappoint. There was lots of delicious food and fun times to be had! Thanks Seth and Abby for hosting such a fun tradition! Me and Ry. (Wondering what Ryan is? He's a droog from A Clockwork Orange). The guys. The girls.

Dear Scarlet -- Blessing Day

Dear Scarlet,

Today was your special day! This morning, you were extra happy and pleasant. You didn't cry once. You slept until I needed to get you ready, and then I took my time getting on your beautiful dress (my blessing dress), your homemade bracelet, your blessing ring and of course, your specially made shoes. You looked fabulous! I kept looking at you and thinking of how lucky I am to be your mother. The day was even perfect. This morning was bright and sunny. Last night it was dark and rainy. Then all of a sudden there was a beam of light through the clouds and the most beautiful rainbow. I believe that was your brother telling us he's right here with us.

This week had been especially emotional for me. When I was first pregnant, I would think about this day and how special it was going to be to bless you and Kingston at the same time. As today approached, I realized that dream would not be. It was only you we would get to bless today. I cried a lot. I told your dad how grateful I am to have you, yet how broken my heart is at the same time. That heart break seemed to vanish as I felt the spirit close to us today, so peaceful and comforting.

You didn't make a peep the entire time at church. Your dad held you tight as he blessed you. It was amazing to watch as he carried you to the front of the congregation in his arms and then all of the priesthood holders surrounded you and placed their hands on you. There are so many people who love you! The spirit was overwhelming. I believe Kingston was there too. I think that is why you were so calm today. Even your dad was lucky enough to feel him there. How lucky are we to have Kingston?

After church, we had a delicious lunch and great company. We had lots of cousins and friends there to celebrate you! We ates lots of yummy soups and desserts. It was the perfect day! Everybody had to pass you around and stare at you. You really did look beautiful.

Scarlet, I know you won't remember today, but it will be forever ingrained in my memory as one of the most special days of your life. The gospel is amazing. I hope that one day you gain a testimony of the gospel for yourself and share it with those around you. I could not have made it very far this year without the help of our Heavenly Father. He truly does love us. Remember, you can do anything with two people as long as one of them is God. He will lead you through your trials and be there at your happiest moments. He is the Almighty.

Love you forever,

Mom

Scarlet's Photos

I think I'm in love with my child. She's so adorable in these photos. To see more, go here. My friend Tami did Scarlet's photos yesterday. Thank you Tami!!I had to have some done in a tutu because, well, tutus are cute. I also had her do some photos in the blessing dress, my blessing dress. I'm so excited Scarlet gets to wear the same dress I wore on my special blessing day. These shoes were custom made just for my tiny Scarlet. My friend, Carrie, is absolutely amazing at sewing and quilting. You should go see her at the Quilted Bear in Provo. You can even pick up a pair of these shoes for your little one!

73 minutes... 73 days

I know that I have mentioned this to some of you before, but I am going to say it again. There was a day just a few weeks after our twins were born when Ryan and I had to go to the health department and get their birth certificates for our insurance. We also had to get Kingston's death certificate. Up until that point, I had been oddly okay with the way things were. I walked out of the health department with documents in hand and then I started reading. I held my son's death certificate and read ... Kingston Ryan Hone born August 11, 2010. Time of birth: 9:02 a.m. Time of death: 10:15 a.m. 73 minutes. At that moment, it was like a slap in the face. Yes, this is real. He's gone. That's when my eyes became so blurry with tears I could no longer read the paper I was holding. I wanted to fall to the sidewalk below me and sob. I knew he was gone, but seeing it on paper was hard. I didn't realize he had only been alive for 73 minutes. When he was here with us, it was almost as if time slowed down for just a moment. I remember it so well.

9:02 a.m.: "Ashley, take a look at your son." I did. I was scared. He was tiny.

9:04 a.m.: "Here's your daughter. You can see she is much bigger than her brother." She was.

Somewhere around 9:45 I was wheeled back into my room. I got to hold Kingston for the first time. Then Ryan held Kingston in his arms and gave him a blessing. It was beautiful. Ryan has a way with words.

They gave Kingston back to me and I could tell his breathing was slowing. I had to ask the nurse to come check him and see if he was still alive. Yes, he still had a heart beat, slow, but a heart beat no less. I remember the hurt. My heart was broken. I could do nothing to comfort Ryan. All we could do was hold our child and watch him pass away. Again, I asked the nurse to see if he was still alive. She listened and walked away. She went to get the neonatologist. He came in, put his little tiny stethoscope on Kingston's chest and with sadness in his eyes, he told us Kingston was gone. I lost it.

Now here we are, 73 days later. I cannot believe it has already been 73 days. Scarlet is thriving. She is a constant reminder to us that she is a gift from God. A gift we are so grateful for. She is also a reminder of the 73 minutes we got to spend with her brother... a gift from God. So, for those of you who are parents out there, hold your child just a little tighter today. Hold onto those precious minutes they are in your arms and thank God he has given you a wonderful gift.