Tuesday, August 3, 2010

32 weeks!

Honestly, I cannot believe we have made it to 32 weeks. I'm still doing non-stress tests twice a week. Yesterday I was having some pretty solid contractions and the doctor told us I will eventually go into labor, we just aren't sure when. I feel my body is becoming tolerant to the nifedipine (meds for stopping contractions), so the contractions are coming more often and are getting more intense. Ryan and I are officially mentally and emotionally exhausted at this point. I'm not trying to complain, but when you have no idea what is going to happen to your children and everyday is a new "adventure," it gets really exhausting. I know our son isn't going to live, but I had no idea it would be this hard to deal with. Every time we go in for the NSTs, I'm worried they won't find his heart beat. I try not to freak out, but it's hard. Yesterday his heart rate dropped way low and I just laid there with tears in my eyes. I'm not ready for it to be over yet. Thankfully my nurse just put her hand on my arm to comfort me. This was so hard for me and I know it's only going to get harder and hurt more because the worst part isn't even over yet. I think we are ready for closure. We need closure. Of course if we can get in 2 more weeks with these babies inside, we will be even better with the health of our little girl. We can do it!

I also forgot to post about our perinatology visit last week. We went to see Dr. S. on Monday to make sure the amniotic fluid was okay. The fluid on our son is low, which we expected at this point due to his bladder outlet obstruction. Thankfully our daughter's fluid was great. Again, it was so comforting to talk to Dr. S. They measured the babies too. Girl: 3 pounds 4 ounces; boy: 2 pounds 11 ounces (but hard to get accurate measurements). I was glad to see she was over 3 pounds.

Here's to 32 weeks and hopefully a couple more!


Stutz Family said...

Ash, you have made it to a tremendous milestone! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little family!

Neysa said...

Wow Ash...you can do it. BE STRONG. I still think about you CONSTANTLY. I am still praying for you guys. Reading your post totally took me back down memory lane when I had Olivia (about 4 years ago this time of year). It was the first part of August and my due date wasn't til Septemeber 15th and they found that I was measuring small so I was in doing nonstress tests 3 days a week (which I am sure I mentioned that already in one of your other posts), but right before I was on bedrest, Olivia's heart rate dropped too and it SCARED me half to death. They got me worried sick. It is the WORST feeling, I know when they tell you that when you have no idea what is going on in there. Stress also is not good for the baby too. I swear it made me have all kinds of problems just from visiting with the perinatologists. They are VERY scary. Glad they are both growing though. That is always a good sign. Hang in there. I too hope you at least make it to 36 weeks. I really enjoy reading all of your updates though. Keep them coming. Oh and I fogot to mention that with BOTH of my kids, I had low fluid too. It's okay. You will be just fine. Keep all of your fluids in. It's HOT HOT outside so drink LOTS of water. I was big and prego this time of year and I learned that I probably had to drink more water then I had. Good luck Ash.

cowbell kelly said...

I couldn't help but laugh at the "you will eventually go into labor. We just don't know when." statement. I know what the doctor meant but it still sounded kinda funny like there's a possibility you'll be pregnant for ever.

Babe you don't sound like you're complaining and being as emotionally exhausted as the both of you are it's probably theraputic to get all this stuff out of your brain. Kinda like venting. You talk about anything and everything you want. Your friends and family are here for you (except that I'm clear across the country:) I love your guts and all of you, babies included, are in our prayers every night!

The Painter's said...

Ashley, it is so wonderful to hear that you have made it this far in cooking those sweet little babies! I am so inspired by your strength through this entire process! I continue to pray for you, Ryan and your babies!

From our Home to yours said...

Ash! You guys can do it! You have made it real far! The end is near and you will hold those two little babies and will just love life! Keep strong! You and Ryan are very special people to have these two amazing "mini humans" come to your family! Our continued thoughts and prayers are with you guys through this whole process!
P.S. How was your baby shower I couldn't make it to? :(

Tami said...

If any one has a right to complain, a pregnant woman does! Especially with all that you have gone through! These babies must be pretty special and lucky to have you as their mommy. I pray for you often!

The Johnson's said...

Hey,I'm Mallory Johnson, I have no idea who you are and you have no idea who I am. I am friends with Grants and Taryn Layton and I came across your blog through theirs. I love to look at couples blogs who are expecting, it's such an amazing thing. I know I am bringing on the creep factor pretty strong here. Anyhow I will get to the point.

As I was looking through your posts I was extremely saddened by what you are going through. I am sure you have talked to many people who can share in some situation or another what you are going though. I am just another one of the many.

A few years back I lost a baby boy to trisomy 18. I was never able to birth a live baby. When I was only 5 months along, he passed away. Your more than welcome to see my story on another blog I have here


Anyhow I just wanted to express to you that I know for a fact that only the strongest of strong people can go through situations like this. As many time as I asked "why me", I know it was only me. I needed to go through that for whatever the reason.

LDS or not, there is a father who loves us, cares for us and is there for us when we need him. I pray that you will have comfort in the times ahead of you. I hope you are able to heal and deal with what lies ahead. Your baby boy is a perfect little being and what an amazing mother you are to be able just to give him a body and love him so.

I hope to hear happy (of course mixed with sad) news on your blog in the next months. Really, best of luck!

Mallory Johnson

Shanna said...


My heart aches for you! I know exactly what you mean when you know your son isn't going to live and you just need closure. I know it's hard, it's still hard for me, but remember....The Lord has blessed you with such celestial children. Your son is too perfect to be here and you are a choice daughter of god who got to carry such an amazing spirit. The lord will bless you through this trial. you will do great, it's amazing what you can do when you have to. i never thought I could do it, but I am glad I did. i love remembering the closeness I felt with the lord, i long for that now so much... I miss it! the veil was so thin, I could literally hear my grandmas voice telling me she was coming to get Logan. I know you will be fine, you will have those hard days, but keep reminding yourself that you will be his mother and you will raise him in a perfect world!

Love you!

Call me if you are still up for pictures of the birth I totally understand if you are wanting it to be just between you and Ryan!

Troy and Mandy said...

Bless your heart! I'm so sorry about all the hard times ahead but you are both so strong and I know you'll make it through. My prayers are with you!

Jacob, Amber, and Baby Kyla said...

Hang in there! This too shall pass! You are doing so well and you can make it!

Heidi and Michael said...

You guys are troopers my dear! You both have been through so much and you are both amazing. Seriously. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up just like you've been doing. You are a great example to us all! So happy your little ones are still "in" and not "out" yet. Keep up the great work Ash! I miss instant messaging with you at work!

Katie & Jess said...

We've been sending happy thoughts your way for quite some time and thinking about you two lots. Hope you're doing well. Keep updating. We're checking your blog daily. :)

K & J